At first. . .
A taste, then a nibble, then a bite.
Hungry for knowledge,
Thirsting for sight.
Knowledge creates one of two schools,
The Questionable and The Absolute.
In order of importance, of course.
In truth it happens in cycles.
Questions beget answers,
Which beget more Questions.
In Absolution there is stagnancy.
In stagnancy, cancer.
Always. . .
Shifting, Drifting, and Sifting, too.
Starving for insight,
Now begineth the journey of a lifetime. . .
In the days of teenybopper "fascination," just ten years ago friends and I would fool around with tarot decks and candles for fun. We'd create our own rituals out of junk we'd seen on TV or in books by Silver Ravenwolf et al, you know the types of Spell "Cook Books" that required incense, candles and little more than the correct phase of the moon. . .
You ended up doing a spell that looked a bit like this:
1. Get a white candle.
2. Carve the Futhark rune for URUZ into the candle.
3. Say your love's name out loud.
4. Write your love's name on a piece of paper.
5. Kiss the paper.
6. Dance with the paper.
7. Now put paper into the flame of the candle.
8. Allow for the paper to burn.
9. Don't forget the fire extinguisher
Before every casting, however, we drew ourselves into a state which I termed at the time as "merging." This is the technique which is adequately described in my other blog post, Guided Meditation, depicting a state of meditation which requires the deconstruction and removal of the self in order to enter a place where the everything envelops the identity.
What I was really striving for when I initially wrote that meditation was a state of nothingness. It is impossible to know for certain what exists outside of life. We do not know that there is most definitely a state of being after death. For this reason we will assume that before you are born there is nothing. When you die, there is nothing (until we have evidence to suggest otherwise).
Don't get me wrong! This isn't a depressing thing, you know, it's just a statement of fact. We are born and then we die and that's it as far as we know. The part that doesn't add up is the everything that exists outside of you - the unknown reality that you get to experience for only moments in time, a reality in which only a fraction of existence is recognized by the human brain-body.
The purpose of gnostic experimentation is to get a better grasp on reality through the understanding of nothingness. If all that we "know" is life and death, then we must get to understand these aspects of reality to the fullest. This means delving into as much experience as personally desired through the mind-body and the body-mind.
Like the Shaman before me, I wish to delve as deeply as possible -- and this time around, my progress will be recorded!
Whomever dare stumble upon these entries, of the Gnostic Experimentation Fun Time(s), tread lightly and with wits to attention for this is experimentation from beginning to end.
10:15 pm – 10:50 pm, previous evening: I have exercised pretty much on and off all day (body and brain), made sure that I ate properly and that I got the right amount of liquids. I don't need to use the potty, and I'm not hungry. I find that I am in a comfortable state suitable for gnostic experimentation which will occur in my living room on a very cushioned futon, in the dark.
My intention today is to grasp the most basic steps of inducing the trance state, which is motionlessness and proper deep-breathing. The attempt at removing all thoughts and delving into complete nothingness will be documented throughout this and all other entries.
Focused attention is used to build concentration which allows the mind to enter a trance state. The focus is nothingness, a void empty of definition.
Motionlessness is obtained through comfort and relaxing each section of the physical musculature consecutively. First, the lights are turned off. The back rests flat against back of cushioned (or pillowed) chair. Legs are kept straight with feet flat on the floor. Arms are resting at the sides of the body.
All possible sound is turned off. Eyes close. Deep breathing begins, as far inward as possible and as far outward as possible. Relaxation of the muscles begins as definition of the “self” is stripped away through a shifting of attention to the potential void. Any thoughts that enter the mind are observed passively and removed just as quickly as they enter.
I first needed to focus on relaxation and breathing. Doing this alone, was not enough to remove all thoughts, even focusing on the idea of “nothing” brought definition to the word itself. In order to avoid definition, I needed to focus on a mantra that was outside of the concept of “nothing.” What first existed as the mantra of “No in, No out, No in, No out,” slowly morphed into the mantra of “AH NO AH NO AH NO AH NO.” Every in-breath represented AH and every out-breath represented NO.
Eventually nothingness was met in fluctuation. Moments of nothing would be interrupted by moments of memory either of things that had occurred today: lyrics of songs, tidbits of conversation, meaningless thoughts -OR- of things that had occurred in my recent past. The continuous focus on AH NO in measurements of my breath slowly dissipated into breathing alone and a feeling of complete nothing with eyes closed and body free from tension.
What does “Not-Feeling” feel like?
It feels like “fluidic space.”
The defining moment of this exercise was, in the feeling of complete peace, opening my eyes to see quite literally a “nothingness” before me. I could not grasp any meaning existent in the room around me and felt that I had most certainly achieved the gnostic state. Being that I am used to entering the gnostic state from solitary experimentation, I found it very easy to jump into a “floating” trance sensation even when thoughts and symbols pertaining to my life came popping into my psyche for moments at a time.
11:00 – PM, The Tone of the Earth – 194.75hz [See Just Intonation: Rough Notes,]
Listening to this tone proved to be extremely difficult as it instilled in me what seemed to be a deeper awareness of the world around me – and nothingness – outside of myself. It was uncomfortable firstly because in focusing on the unchanging pitch of this frequency, other sounds started to make themselves known to me. It seemed that it was simple for me to latch onto any sound that passed my window regardless of how meaningless the sound would be.
This tone made it easy to enter gnosis. Within two minutes of listening to it, I began to get the floating sensation of a gnostic trance. Instead of experiencing comfort, however, the trance seemed to be a burden on my system as though everything I perceived to be real was spinning into a meaningless and gelatinous void -- but isn't this what I wanted?? The sound made the nothing unbearable.
In this state I received mild hallucinations and began to see ghosts and spectres in the corners of my vision. Remarkably and with the lights off, however, I found my eyes focusing on every bit of light that still remained within the room. In a real sense, this was very much enhancing my ability to see in the dark, regardless of hallucinations.
Because my inner reality was so deeply amplified by the tone that I focused on, it seemed my breath became short and I felt hot. I started to focus on the concept of heating myself to the breaking point and resulted with a disgusting hot, sticky, feverishness. I started to focus on gathering all of the energy to my palms and rested my hands on the cat that was sitting in my lap. The heat from my hands appeared to leave his fur hot in the way a laptop gets hot in your lap.
Whether this was a product of self-hypnotism and suggestion, merely only imagining the event, or programming my own body with the power of my mind, I am uncertain. I'll be experimenting with this in the future to see what more I can gather from it.
After the short experiment with energy visualization and heat, I started to feel like I was losing my grip on reality. The swooning and fluctuating sickness overtook me again. The tone, which was on a timer, soon turned off and not long after did reality come back to me. I am amazed that focusing on a sound could produce such interesting responses by my mind and my body in accordance to my mind.
The dreams experienced that night were of concepts that stumbled into each other, visuals that matched but are still in need of distinction. I know I should be remembering these dreams and reiterating them in perfect detail but I feel the need to ease into this practice, regardless of how long it may take.
May the universe bless Silver Ravenwolf and many others for proliferating an interest in the occult for me at a young age. You have fulfilled your role.... oh and on that note, thanks to the Backstreet Boys too, you guys sucked so hard that it was a piece'o'cake for me to turn the opposite direction and start listening to this thing they had out in the 90's called "Alternative."