In my "line of work" I often find myself helping others find themselves. I aim to contribute positively to the universe and in order to do so must recognize each individual as connected to, rather than divided from, the holistic everything.
Lately I've been helping a man with terminal cancer. I won't share with you his contact with me, in respect for his privacy, but instead the insights that I offered him in terms of his situation. I share this because I know that it will help others on a similar path to his own.
- Metaphysics
- Connected duality of the universe
- Coming to terms with life and death
- Entheogens
- Sigils
Chaos and Cancer Help
Your situations is quite a predicament but it is not unheard of. As I am familiar with with different types of life-altering magicks as well as the uses of specific substances in psycho and medical therapy, I think that I can offer substantial advice to help you with your problem. Please keep an open mind when I do describe these methods.
You should not feel in the lock of a karmic debt after reading the books that you have read. The whole point in metaphysics is to recognize the binary cycles that make up our entire system of existence as one universal drive. If you recognize that night and day, positive and negative, life and death, will always coincide with each other, you can bring yourself to a place that is outside of the physical definitions that have been made for us. Karma is both good and bad and I find it hard to believe that you could have done anything at all to precipitate this reaction within your body.
We are all capable of the positive and the negative forces. Some people "fail" in that they do not recognize the dual and connected nature of reality. The good can not exist without the bad and neither should ever rise above the other. Too much "good" is self serving, hedonistic, it is against nature in the way that immortality is against nature.
With life, there is always death. Conversely, too much "bad" is self serving, hedonistic, and against nature. Perceiving the "good" extremely often puts you in a state of self-aware euphoria whereas perceiving the "bad" can often bring about nightmares, fear, and unnecessary anxiety.
Here is a question: When you had your bad experience with mushrooms - is it because you were coming face to face with an ominous darkness? What was the setting in which you were practicing?
Your experience may have been difficult for you for many reasons including environment, company, and comfort. Also, because of the worries you have regarding your cancer - what happens when you die? This is something that you will unfortunately have to SERIOUSLY come to terms with in order to beat your cancer. As a part of nature, you are a part of the dual forces that combine in unity to form reality.
Recognize the cycles of life and death, even your own, in order to get past the physical reality of the situation and take control of your life and your healing process. This is the purpose of the Ayahuasca journey. You do *not* need to be in perfect health in order to receive the insights from the methods you are meant to partake in. The portal between reality and non-reality, space and time, is the portal between life and death. Ayahuasca allows you to come to terms with yourself as an equal to the everything and the nothing.
Here is a link about the Ayahuasca journey of another who is still surviving cancer and partaking in regular Ayahuasca therapy sessions.
http://www.biopark.org/peru/
Other links are available through the first that are in need of your attention. You can beat this cancer if you can once again become one with the universe and all of its cyclical motion.
In terms of the negative energy that is attacking you, I personally feel that it is the same demon recognized above. Your death is coming forward and you are unable to see past the negative notions that this represents and so you are unable to access the mysteries of the universe through divination.
For this, I have an exercise.
Creating A Sigil
No matter what you label this negative entity is, whether you created it in fear or it came to you as something entirely separate from you is irrelevant. It still exists in the form that you are perceiving. Take a piece of paper and a pen. Try not to focus on your cancer but on the entity itself that is getting in the way. Write down a wish that you would have happen.
Write in large bold letters ALLOW PEACE FROM DARKNESS which can be the perfect mantra to relieve you of this entity. Do not look at the desired outcome as a direct opposite to darkness itself. Instead, recognize duality and concentrate on the peace that comes with an equal balance between both light and dark.
After you write this down, remove all repeated letters, cross them out one by one and rewrite the remaining letters to spell out:
ALOW PEC FRM DKNS
From here, I want you to rearrange the letters and draw them in pictoral form, still focussing on a balance between both light and dark, a balance which allows you to be an active part of the universe and thus an active part in your own healing process.
A good, and working sigil, should look something like this: http://upload.wikimedia.org/
Mantra Meditation
Sit in a comfortable position and direct your visual attention to the sigil. Focus on the entity that you know exists to get in the way of your path. Breathe in and out deeply, calmly and repeat the mantra "AHL OW PEK FREM D'KENS" (a mantra created out of ALLOW PEACE FROM DARKNESS) while concentrating on universal oneness. When your own mind starts to blur from the mantra and you lose the recognition of your "self" proceed to thinking of absolutely nothing at all. Sit calmly, as long as possible, thinking about nothing, and allow the peace - the answers you seek - to come to you gradually.
Journal Entry
When you have completed this exercise, write out a copy of your entire experience. Include the date, time, duration of activity and exactly the activity you are casting (Sigil and Balance Meditation). Talk about the thoughts and conditions that may have gotten in the way of a successful ritual. Talk about the ritual's success through images, senses, and perceptions gained throughout.
Ad vitam paramus, vivere disce, cogita mori
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